Feeling closer to someone often stems from sharing personal and emotional truths. Research by psychologists Arthur and Elaine Aron introduced a set of 36 questions designed to encourage intimacy among participants. Strangers, through progressively personal inquiries, often reported feeling a stronger connection by the end of the process, with some even forming friendships.

Mary Ann Miranda creatively documented her responses to this intriguing questionnaire, aptly titled “I Think I Love You” Parts I, II, and III. She also expressed gratitude to her friend Kiki Lu Johnson, who contributed her own responses divided into six parts, titled “Do You Love Me Now?” Here are Mary Ann's answers to the final twelve questions:

25. Create three true "we" statements. For example, "We are both in this room feeling..."

In my reflections, I envisioned my current crush as my partner for this exercise. Here’s how we might feel together in a room:

• We’re concerned about a recent event affecting me, and I believe he would share that worry too. Although it may appear trivial to others, my crush has shown empathy towards my smaller concerns before.
• We wish to find a way to escape this issue, whether through resolution or by engaging in more joyful activities. Perhaps he would suggest going outside for a walk with his dog to lift my spirits.
• We hope to seek help for my problem if we can't resolve it alone. Currently, we feel a bit stuck, awaiting feedback that will guide my next steps.

Reflecting on this moment, I wonder if now was the best time to tackle this question.

26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share..."

Feelings.

While I confide in trusted friends about my joys and fears, I recognize the importance of not taking those connections for granted. The least satisfying relationships often lack emotional exchange, which is not solely due to unwillingness on the other person's part. Trust issues can prevent some individuals from sharing their feelings, just as there are those who may not wish to engage in emotional discussions at all.

I believe that feeling isolated without emotional sharing would be quite lonely. Some individuals may only feel comfortable discussing their emotions with a therapist, but I find life more enriching when I can share my feelings with friends and family.

27. If you were to become a close friend with your partner, what would be crucial for them to know?

I consider my relationship with my crush to be more than casual but not quite "close." For our friendship to deepen, he would need to embrace my desire for an emotionally open relationship. While I respect his privacy and don't expect him to share everything, I’ve learned that unbalanced friendships can feel unfulfilling.

In our earlier interactions, he shared more about his life than I did about mine. I realized this imbalance and eventually decided to open up more, which was rewarding as he responded with understanding rather than judgment.

Now, I’m more expressive in my self-disclosures, and he reciprocates by sharing details about himself, which makes me feel less alone. Every little insight he offers feels precious to me, and I embrace my infatuation without shame.

28. Share what you appreciate about your partner.

I admire his eloquence and ability to comfort others with his words. His humility and self-deprecating humor resonate with me, alongside his keen eye for photography, especially landscapes and animals.

Moreover, I appreciate how much he cherishes Jesse, his golden retriever, as I’m not drawn to individuals who dislike animals.

29. Relate an embarrassing moment from your past.

In primary school, I once fell to the floor during a class activity when a classmate pulled my chair away. The laughter that followed was typical of my classmates’ behavior towards me.

I often pondered why I was a target for bullying. Was it my demeanor? My limited friendships? Perhaps my emotional reactions made me an easy target for teasing.

30. When was the last time you cried in front of someone? Alone?

I tend to cry alone, especially since the pandemic has limited my social interactions. The last time I cried in front of others was in 2017 during my practicum, where I felt mistreated by my supervisor. Despite my classmates’ sympathy, they still viewed her as a kind individual.

This pattern has recurred in my relationships; people who appear charming can sometimes inflict emotional pain while making me feel unreasonable for my hurt.

The last time I wept alone was just moments ago, revisiting those distressing memories.

31. Share something you appreciate about your partner already.

Is this akin to question 28? Regardless, I value that, while he doesn't always respond promptly, he makes an effort to address almost everything I share. This attentiveness is refreshing and makes me feel acknowledged as a person.

32. What topics are too serious for jokes?

Violence, severe injury, murder, torture, and sexual assault. I find it particularly troubling when individuals joke about rape, as such comments reflect a shocking lack of empathy.

33. If you were to die tonight without the chance to communicate, what would you regret not saying?

Given the time, I regret not confessing my feelings to my crush. However, I also feel a sense of urgency to reach out to friends who have recently shared vulnerable stories on Medium.

34. If your house caught fire, what one item would you save after ensuring loved ones are safe?

I would grab my flute. It’s portable and holds sentimental value, reminding me of joyful moments, such as performing a beloved TV theme song. I cherish the sound of this instrument more than my other devices.

35. Whose death in your family would be most upsetting?

Assuming this refers to my chosen family, my best friend's loss would be particularly disturbing. She vanished over a year ago, leaving me in a state of confusion and concern.

36. Share a personal issue and seek your partner’s advice. Reflect on how they might perceive your feelings.

I’d like to discuss the problem I mentioned earlier but will instead pose a general question. Over the past year, I’ve worked on improving my self-esteem but recently faced a setback that left me feeling anxious and helpless.

How would he cope with unexpected challenges and reassure himself of his worth? I recognize my need to distract myself from this troubling situation, as resting only allows my mind to spiral into negativity.

As this questionnaire wraps up, I feel a mix of relief and sadness. It has been an emotional journey, especially in this final segment. If you feel inspired, I encourage you to try answering these 36 questions and tag Mary Ann Miranda and me!

Update: I later detailed the reason for my anxiety in another post.

Did you enjoy this article? If so, you may also appreciate my reflections on relationships as a gay, trans, and nonbinary aromantic.