You’re on a plane, settling into your seat with a light blanket, preparing to snooze through the remaining 3.5-hour flight. Suddenly, a commotion shakes the cabin, and a row of yellow oxygen masks drops from above, one hovering near your face. Instinctively, you grab it, secure it, and then look around, wondering what to do next.

Happiness is a practice, not an automatic reaction. At the start of every flight, attendants review safety protocols: pointing out exits, demonstrating how to fasten seatbelts, and emphasizing the importance of securing your own oxygen mask before assisting others. Unfortunately, life doesn’t come with such a manual. We’re often taught that putting others first is noble, and that self-sacrifice signifies true friendship. However, neglecting your own needs can turn you into a martyr instead of a hero.

To cultivate a healthy, satisfying life, it’s essential to prioritize your own well-being. Remember, your happiness is your responsibility. Focus on nurturing yourself first, and then support those around you by shedding these harmful mindsets.

Mindset #1: Obsessing Over Others' Opinions Feedback is undeniably important. Historically, our survival depended on social acceptance, which makes our desire to fit in deeply ingrained. While the fear of exclusion may be less relevant today, the urge to be liked can undermine your true self.

It’s wonderful to be liked, as long as it’s for who you genuinely are. Too often, we alter our behaviors to gain approval, shaping our career paths and relationships based on external expectations rather than our true identities. Cultivating a strong self-concept lays the groundwork for lasting happiness. While feedback can be beneficial, it should serve to enhance your authentic self, not dilute it.

Mindset #2: Concentrating on Words Instead of Intent Words are powerful; they can convey a myriad of thoughts and emotions. Yet, miscommunication is common. As Luigina Sgarro wisely stated, “There is no communication that is so simple that it cannot be misunderstood.”

When interacting with others, it’s crucial to look beyond mere words. Many individuals struggle to articulate their feelings accurately, leading to misunderstandings. Studies indicate that words constitute only 7% of communication. Given the vast number of factors influencing a conversation, it’s remarkable we communicate effectively at all:

• Not everyone shares the same language.
• Interpretations of words vary widely.
• People may misspeak or express themselves poorly.

If you find yourself replaying conversations obsessively, consider this: can you recall the exact words exchanged? If not, it’s pointless to dwell on others' words either.

Mindset #3: Ignoring Your Personal Boundaries Humans are social creatures, with community ranking third in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs:

1. Self-actualization
2. Esteem needs
3. Belongingness
4. Safety
5. Physiological needs

While the desire to support others is commendable, it can lead to misplaced priorities. The urge to belong may drive you to prioritize others’ happiness over your own, resulting in resentment and weakened relationships. If saying “no” feels challenging, reflect on why.

You might associate your self-worth with your ability to help others or fear being unlovable without your contributions. It’s vital to honor your boundaries—for your own well-being and that of others. Relationships require compromise, but it’s essential not to sacrifice your happiness in the process.

Mindset #4: Fearing Pain Growing up, I was encouraged to express myself. However, school taught me that not everyone shared this perspective. During my teenage years, surrounded by emotionally repressed peers, I witnessed how vulnerability was often labeled as weakness. As adulthood brought its pressures, many struggled to cope.

At social gatherings, they would sometimes unleash their burdens after drinking, projecting their insecurities without introspection. They were suffering, yet they hadn’t learned to confront their emotions. Many viewed their feelings as too painful to explore, opting instead to live in a superficial state, not truly feeling or living.

If you fear emotional pain, you may build walls to shield yourself, but this also blocks the joys of life. It’s essential to acknowledge that everyone experiences feelings, including pain. Avoiding discomfort prevents genuine living. If you resist uncomfortable emotions, dig into the reasons why. Embrace your feelings—especially the tough ones—and don’t hesitate to seek help if needed. Learning to accept your emotions, painful as they may be, will empower you.

Mindset #5: Attempting to Control the Uncontrollable One of the most enduring quotes in personal development comes from Reinhold Niebuhr:

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Obsessing over others’ actions or wishing for the world to behave differently can drive you to madness. Such thoughts aren’t helpful; they often lead to frustration. As the Dalai Lama XIV observed:

“There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called Yesterday and the other is called Tomorrow.”

Trying to control the uncontrollable only brings pain. If something is beyond your influence, let it go. If you struggle to release it, consider journaling as a means to process your thoughts. Writing can provide clarity, helping you detach from limiting beliefs and enabling you to make informed decisions without the weight of consequences.

Leave yesterday’s and tomorrow’s burdens behind to fully embrace today’s blessings.

You Deserve Happiness—It Begins with You I wish I could hand you a simple action plan for happiness, but such a thing doesn’t exist. We each have unique wiring, experiences, and worldviews. However, letting go of these five limiting mindsets can guide you toward a more fulfilling life:

1. Obsessing over others' opinions
2. Focusing on words instead of intent
3. Ignoring your personal boundaries
4. Avoiding life out of fear of pain
5. Trying to control the uncontrollable

Only after clearing these obstacles can you take off toward a happy and rewarding existence.