Content warning: discussion of sexual assault and rape.

Recently, there has been considerable discourse surrounding the "man or bear" debate, a topic I've also commented on.

For those unfamiliar, the question posed is: as a woman, would you prefer to encounter a stranger or a bear in the woods? Most women tend to choose the bear, and the reasons for this are diverse. Primarily, bears are less likely to attack unless provoked, and a well-prepared hiker generally knows how to handle such encounters.

Another significant factor is that while most men wouldn’t harm a woman in the wild, the potential threats posed by some men are far more severe than those from a bear. The worst a bear can do is take a life, while the worst a man can inflict is often too horrific to mention.

A particularly distressing aspect is that if a woman emerges from the woods with injuries from a bear attack, her claim is likely to be believed. In contrast, women who are attacked by men frequently face skepticism or are told they are exaggerating or misremembering.

I know too many women who have suffered from this disbelief. As a society, we often fail to believe victims of sexual violence, regardless of gender, or we make excuses for their attackers.

When false accusations occur, they are used as justification to dismiss genuine victims, even though the number of unreported assaults vastly exceeds the number of false claims.

Many men express discontent that women would prefer encountering a bear over a strange man, often responding with comments like, "It's unfortunate we teach women to fear men," or "Not all men are like that!"

While it’s true that not all men are perpetrators of violence, many are. Statistically, if you randomly select nine people, there's a significant chance one could be a rapist, and there is no physical profile that can reliably identify such individuals.

The notion that women would rather have sexual relations with a bear is so absurd that I won’t engage further.

As for the comment about teaching women to fear men, it overlooks a crucial point: society ingrains this fear. Women encounter inappropriate behavior from men daily, and the absence of a specific "creep" profile only heightens their anxiety.

Subtle societal norms perpetuate this fear. Growing up, many received dating advice suggesting persistence in the face of rejection, which is coercive rather than respectful.

Though there is now greater awareness surrounding consent, discussions about men’s responsibilities in this context have regressed. The current trend towards "traditional masculinity" glorifies harmful ideologies, leading many women to withdraw from dating altogether.

With the rollback of reproductive rights, primarily influenced by men, the overall environment fosters distrust towards unfamiliar men. While some men would undoubtedly lead women to safety, many women, shaped by their experiences, view the bear as a safer option.

This debate often simplifies a complex issue by contrasting men, who are nearly half the world's population, with a bear. Many men perceive this as a personal affront, questioning why women would choose a wild animal over them.

However, the real intent is to foster empathy and understanding. It's not about the bear; it's about recognizing the reasons behind women's choices.

In today's digital age, people frequently react impulsively, opting to vent frustrations online instead of taking time to empathize with women's experiences.

A thought experiment illustrates this: imagine a world where all men vanish for a day. Women envision mundane scenarios where they feel safer: leaving drinks unattended, walking alone at night, and dressing without fear of harassment.

This isn’t a declaration that "all men are bad." Instead, it's a recognition that enough men pose a threat to warrant concern.

When considering bad date scenarios, men's fears typically revolve around embarrassment, while women’s revolve around the potential for violence.

Society does not explicitly instruct women to fear men; it merely reflects a reality shaped by countless experiences.

What is disheartening is the tendency of some men to defend those who engage in predatory behavior, dismissing women’s experiences as exaggerated or unworthy of belief.

Women do not take solace in preferring bears; many value the good men in their lives. A friend once acknowledged my positive qualities but still opted for the bear, highlighting the practicality of her choice.

In my interactions with women, I operate under the assumption that they all have a #MeToo story. This isn’t because every man is a threat, but because any man could be, and it’s impossible to predict who might be dangerous.

To combat the implicit teaching of fear, we must focus on explicitly educating men on how to treat women with respect. The lessons must evolve for contemporary society; outdated views of masculinity are no longer acceptable.

We should instill the importance of consent, open communication, and emotional expression in young men. The traditional notions of masculinity do not resonate with many modern women.

Women often seek men who communicate openly and are emotionally available. They desire partners who exhibit strength not just through stoicism, but through vulnerability and respect.

Ultimately, respect is fundamental for any healthy relationship. Approaching partnerships as equal participants fosters stronger connections. Listening, communicating, and embracing reciprocity can lead to more meaningful relationships.

Remember, this isn’t about the bear or condemning all men; it’s a reflection of societal attitudes that influence women’s choices. By taking a step back and seeking to understand why women choose the bear, we can gain insight into broader societal dynamics.

Only through understanding can we begin to foster positive change.

Take care out there.

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