The Value of Struggle: Why Embracing Difficulty Leads to Success
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If you think about it, psychological studies show that the anticipation of an event can often elicit stronger emotions than the event itself. For instance, the anxiety surrounding the request for a raise can linger for weeks. However, once the moment arrives, it often passes in a blink. Similarly, while we may obsess over achieving a goal, that sense of excitement can fade quickly after we've attained it. Dr. Thomas Gilovich from Cornell University explains, "We buy things to make us happy, and we succeed. But only for a while. New things bring initial excitement, but soon we adapt."
Your mind can trick you into believing that the mere idea of an accomplishment is more satisfying than actually achieving it, leading to a cycle where dreams remain just that—dreams. In his book Ego is the Enemy, Ryan Holiday points out that one major hurdle to success is the allure of the idea of success itself.
Dreaming is easy. It's simple to share aspirations, create vision boards, or recite affirmations in front of a mirror. Yet, this is where many individuals stall. The act of dreaming can hinder the actual pursuit of those dreams. When you visualize your ambitions in vivid detail, you might feel a sense of fulfillment that leads to complacency, tricking yourself into thinking you've accomplished something.
Consequently, when faced with the reality of pursuing your goals, you may encounter a wall of resistance. Often, this discomfort prompts a search for immediate gratification as a distraction. Robert Greene, in his book Mastery, suggests that embracing this internal struggle can be transformative: “You find a kind of perverse pleasure in moving past the pain this might bring.”
How to Break Free from Stagnation
Jesse Itzler, in Living with a SEAL, recounts how he invited a Navy SEAL to live with him to escape a personal rut. On the first day, the SEAL asked, "How many pull-ups can you do?" Itzler managed eight shaky ones. "Take 30 seconds and do it again," the SEAL instructed. After struggling through several attempts, Itzler found himself bewildered when the SEAL declared, “Alright, we’re not leaving here until you do 100 more.” Despite his disbelief, Itzler persevered, completing the challenge one pull-up at a time. The SEAL taught him the 40% rule: people typically stop when they are only at 40% of their actual potential. Pushing beyond this limit often leads to discomfort, hence the mantra, “If it doesn’t suck, we don’t do it.”
The Power of Pursuing Concrete Goals
Robert Greene writes, “The pain is a kind of challenge your mind presents—will you learn how to focus and move past boredom, or like a child will you succumb to the need for immediate pleasure and distraction?” Just as Itzler overcame a mental barrier by completing 100 pull-ups, you can escape your rut through the pursuit of tangible goals.
The principle is straightforward: engage in a task and do not stop until it's finished, regardless of the time it takes. The goal is to master the ability to accomplish difficult tasks without succumbing to distractions. Greene refers to finding “a perverse pleasure” in embracing internal conflict and learning to sit with it.
This approach is evident in CrossFit, where participants focus on completing specific objectives without interruptions. If it doesn’t suck, we don’t do it. This principle can be applied universally—be it completing an assignment, writing an article, or enduring a workout. The duration is irrelevant.
The Greatest Opportunity in Our Time
In Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World, Cal Newport states, “The ability to perform deep work is becoming increasingly rare at exactly the same time it is becoming increasingly valuable in our economy. As a consequence, the few who cultivate this skill, and then make it the core of their working life, will thrive.”
We live in an era of unprecedented distraction, making it challenging to stay focused on a single task for extended periods. The law of opposites applies here: while most people become more distracted, a select few are seizing this opportunity. Tyler Cowan's assertion that “Average is over” highlights that the middle class is diminishing. You are either among those thriving or part of the majority struggling with distraction and dissatisfaction.
When faced with difficulty, do you give up or push through to experience growth and success? Anything worth pursuing often begins with discomfort. The challenge lies in America, where the culture once valued delayed gratification. Now, the prevailing message encourages living in the moment.
This mindset leads many to quit when faced with challenges, opting for fleeting pleasures rather than enduring discomfort for a greater reward. Compounding this issue is the modern mantra of unconditional self-love, which has contributed to a culture of mediocrity. High self-esteem can sometimes mask a lack of achievement, contrasting with immigrant groups that often outperform Americans despite perceived lower self-esteem.
Amy Chua and Jed Rubenfeld, in The Triple Package: How Three Unlikely Traits Explain the Rise and Fall of Cultural Groups in America, describe successful individuals as those who not only manage their impulses but also harbor a sense of inferiority that drives them to prove themselves continuously. This relentless pursuit of excellence is rare in a culture that often promotes instant gratification.
True confidence is earned through effort and achievement, not merely through wishing for success. Research supports that genuine confidence arises from overcoming challenges. The more you endure discomfort and create something meaningful, the more confident you will become. Ryan Holiday emphasizes that you are rewarded for tangible accomplishments, not mere promises.
The work is arduous. Achieving peak physical condition is grueling. Cultivating deep relationships is challenging, as evidenced by high divorce rates. Initially, all these pursuits may seem unappealing. However, remember: if it doesn’t suck, it’s not worth doing. You can train yourself to endure temporary discomfort to build a fulfilling life.
If you find yourself stagnant like Itzler, take on specific challenges—regardless of the time they require.
Pleasure vs. Fulfillment
“A life that doesn’t include hard-won accomplishment and triumph over obstacles may not be a satisfying one. There is something deeply fulfilling— even thrilling—in excelling at difficult tasks. There is joy and pride in pushing your limits. A life focused solely on immediate gratification is unlikely to yield true fulfillment. We all need a future, something greater than our present enjoyment, to strive for,” say Chua and Rubenfeld.
True happiness, distinct from fleeting pleasure, often eludes those who chase momentary satisfaction. While instant gratification isn't inherently negative, it can obstruct the pursuit of more profound, lasting joy. Resist the urge to give in to distractions. Embrace the struggle; that’s where authentic happiness lies.
Geologist James Talmage remarked, “Happiness leaves no bad after-taste; it is followed by no depressing reaction; it brings no regret.” True happiness is relived through memories, while momentary pleasure can leave lasting pain.
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